Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
