He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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