Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
