I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
