Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
