hotel room ftw
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
