so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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