Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
