I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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