Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
