I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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