Screwed.edu
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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