I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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