I want to stick my p in your. b.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize