I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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