I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
