Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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