Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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