can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
