he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
