I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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