To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
