I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
