I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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