I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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