We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
