We won't sleep together?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
