Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
