We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
