roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
