I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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