He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
