its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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