Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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