Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
