i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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