he thought i was a dude.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
