i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
