flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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