Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
