at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize