I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
