Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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