I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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