Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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