She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
