Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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