remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
