my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
