I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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