R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
