i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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