Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
