smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
