i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Boobs are out for the taking
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
