K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
