I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
