I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
