even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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