just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize