can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
foreskin is a definite game changer
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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