I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
