I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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