She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
