I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
