you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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