Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
