My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
