Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
