I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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