i barfeds in our rink
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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