I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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