Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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