i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
