my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
