I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize