I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
