i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My nipple is on Facebook.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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