We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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