Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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