Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
