My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he puts the penis in happiness.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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