Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need moral support for this bender
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
