Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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