She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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