The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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