how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ok first of all what the fuck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize