Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
