Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
