I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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