Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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