my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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