I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
