I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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