I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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