I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize