And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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