I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
