that's an acceptable place to lick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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