Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize