so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
