i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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