i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
